Awakened

I had breakfast with my friend Alex today. It’s a rare occurrence for the both of us to find time to do anything, so I was greatly looking forward to this. We discussed a wide variety of topics, and one of which dealt with the well-known passage of Proverbs 16:9:

“The mind of man plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps.”

We were talking about life and how there are constantly drastic changes and turns that seem to enter in and out of the plans we make for ourselves. For example, dating Sarah was a drastic turn that radically changed what this year was going to look like. Taking on this position of VPM is a hefty role that’s extremely time consuming and takes far more energy than I first expected. Dating Sarah was never in the plans while being VPM was something I was steadily working towards, but both have resulted in experiences and responsibilities I never thought I’d be dealing with this year.

What I’m getting at, though, is that despite our ability to plan, God is ultimately the one who intervenes and makes way for His wondrous will. With this, He calls us to do things that are good in His eyes, but result in compromise in other areas. Dating Sarah and doing VPM resulted in not having nearly as much time for other relationships. It resulted in not being able to assume the perpetually frivolous lifestyle I so earnestly enjoy. It resulted in not thinking so much about what I wanted to do for myself, but what she wanted to do, and what the students of SPU wanted to pursue ministerially. This stripping of one lifestyle in exchange for another is what I believe to be the LORD directing my steps.

*(However, I’m still trying to piece together what it looks like when you add sin and personal agendas into the equation. As for now, I’m going to keep rolling with this.)*

And this direction requires compromise, but in return, the paradigm sets quite a peaceful notion towards life. I say this because in God blessings these endeavors, He is saying, “Chris, this is what I have for you this year. You can fight and vie for your own wants, but this is what I’ve given you, and they have taken place over the plans you initially made.” This has been so difficult for me to accept and comprehend this year because I have been longing so much to relive the freshman year I had in maintaining those relationships to the same degree while at the same time trying to date Sarah and serve as an excellent VPM. But I can’t have it all. Nor should I try to recreate something that isn’t mine to make. At the same time, I find peace in this, because guilt is no longer able to keep up with the expectations I initially made for the year, and it can now cease because it’s not my responsibility to fulfill those desires. God has created and loves for us to make plans, but at the same time He demands surrender when He wishes differently.

This isn’t an excuse to snuff out on callings He has for me in other areas, though. He still calls me to be a good friend and roommate to those around me. And admittedly, I haven’t been doing the greatest job, but I hope and pray that this acceptance of not having to be that which I first thought will help me to do better in these areas. They are far too important to pass up anyways.

So who am I? I suppose I’m just a kid who has been called to being the VP of Ministries at SPU, date a most splendid girl named Sarah, be a supportive and encouraging roommate to Josh, bless my friends when given the time, call my parents every now and then, rebuke my brother in his sometimes foolish decisions, hang out with the rambunctious seven-year-old in Lynnwood, and pray daily that I may see beauty, make good decisions, and represent Christ fully in everything I do. Some of these are plans I have made for myself while others are steps that God has subtly guided me towards. Either way, that’s what I’m supposed to do right now, and should be content in the beautiful simplicity of it all.

Thanks for helping me renew my mind, Lord.

~ by Chris Kyle on February 24, 2010.