Open (___) Eyes

Despite what my lack of entries may portray, 2011 has been a daunting and full year, which, in a sense, is an answer to many of my recent prayers. However, that’s also resulted in little time to write, which I believe may be a wretched theme for the next couple months.

Nevertheless, my lack of time has translated into Jesus filling my days with enjoyable books, the best class set I’ve had in college, and the willingness to spend time with people despite my perpetual, fleshly desire to retreat and run away from relationships. He’s currently in the midst of mending in me what is broken, while at the same time listening to the multitude of desires that continually fill my thoughts. I’ve realized over these past few weeks that when I am able to clearly admit to myself, and others, what I want for my life – what I want with unequivocal certainty – Jesus shows up in the most tangible and explicit of forms. He leads me back to Galatians 5, helps me sort through my wants, and paints for me a picture of my own heart, which is often in the form of a vying, mottled hope.

Sure, I have specific direction of where I want to go, and I’m no longer passive to the ambiguity of my future, but He’s challenging me to walk with careful regard for “the middle” of the road, where extremity doesn’t sweep me off my feet. He’s teaching me to bottle my passion while at the same time allowing me to release my voice. He’s showing me what it’s like to have an opinion, and that being “the nice guy” isn’t an end we should always be striving for. He’s also telling me to be quiet and humble and know that though I can live with certainty and conviction, I mustn’t cling to such virtues lest they transform to vices.

It’s hard, though. At any moment during the day I find myself jumping from the middle of the spectrum to ride the pendulum that sways left and right – both being lands of extremes. Sometimes I get off right away; other times I cling into the night. But in the midst of this constant struggle (and I have this feeling it may never go away), I feel an emergence of who God is shaping me to be, at least, for this moment in my life. I only pray that in this molding process He is actually the one peddling, instead of me at the wheel, shaping Jesus into the image of my own intentions.

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~ by Chris Kyle on January 19, 2011.

2 Responses to “Open (___) Eyes”

  1. ah, we always seem to be on the opposite ends of the spectrum trying to meet in the middle…you are feeling certainty and i am feeling lost. perhaps we’ll find the balance together. xo.

  2. Hey Chris! I swear once upon a time I read an entry on your blog where you had read an article about someone in Hollywood living differently and giving up their money so others may have more…but I can’t quite remember when or where that post is…or if I fabricated it in my mind? (It’s possible). Anyways, whether you were talking about Tom Shadyac or not I wanted to let you know about his new documentary: I AM. The screening is coming to Seattle Feb 25th and he’ll be there! I think this is something you’d really be interested in…I listed a lot of the information / trailer here: http://thewishingwell9.blogspot.com/2011/02/i-am.html and I encourage you to check it out – bring friends and go see this!
    K – that’s my two cents!
    ~Jenn

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