Consider the Thief

“There are times when it seems as if God watches to see if we will give Him even small gifts of surrender, just to show how genuine our love is for Him. To be surrendered to God is of more value than our personal holiness. Concern over our personal holiness causes us to focus our eyes on ourselves, and we become overly concerned about the way we walk and talk and look, out of fear of offending God. ‘… but perfect love casts out fear…’ once we are surrendered to God (1 John 4:18). We should quit asking ourselves, ‘Am I of any use?’ and accept the truth that we really are not of much use to Him. The issue is never of being of use, but of being of value to God Himself. Once we are totally surrendered to God, He will work through us all the time.” – My Utmost for His Highest

Lately, I’ve been thieving my days and squandering them before the nights out. I say this because God’s grace has been something I’ve been rejecting as I attempt to carry my own righteousness on my shoulders. It’s also been a matter of me attempting to find worth outside of Jesus’ embracing love.

I think a lot of it has been due to me having expectations for something that doesn’t exist, or things that aren’t even going to make its way into my story. It’s like trying to write out endings a couple chapters ahead with absolute disregard for the in between. I told Sarah last night that a perfect day would consist of being able to crawl into bed at night knowing I represented Christ in an amiable fashion and reflected any glory off myself and onto Him. The events don’t matter, nor does this personal piety I often strive for – it’s solely an issue of surrender, love, and dying to oneself.

I’m at the altar here, God. Don’t leave me standing.

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~ by Chris Kyle on February 21, 2010.

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