Travel Hymn

Yesterday was an early morning full of hiking and enduring the dreary weather of Seattle; but it was quite enjoyable nonetheless. Jake and I hiked Rattlesnake Ridge only to find ourselves overlooking nothing but a vast pool of fog that enveloped the thousands of trees below us. Oh what I’d give to have been able to jump and hang glide straight through the endless gray. Here’s Jake peering over the edge into nothingness:

I hastily fell back asleep upon returning home and excitedly got into the pajamas my mom gave me for this past Christmas. Never have I enjoyed an article of clothing so much. I can honestly say that these pants are easily the most comfortable thing I own, and if it didn’t make my hips look so huge I think I’d wear it around more often than any pair of jeans currently hanging in my closet… Sick, I just sounded like a woman.

Nevertheless, I awoke around noon and began writing what could quite possibly be my hundredth paper of the quarter, but I’m not too sure. They just seem to keep coming. Anyway, as I lazily write away, Josh turns to me clutching a bag of chocolate chip cookie powder and asked if I wanted to help him make cookies. Despite me grimacing at the idea of what kind of cookies may result if we pursue this endeavor, I excitedly agree and ask what we need in order to make this happen. Ingredients and items go as follows:

1 bag of crappy cookie mix
1 egg
1 stick of butter
1 bowl to mix stuff in
1 spoon for mixing in general
1 cookie pan
1 oven
1 microwave

Sadly, all we currently had at our disposal was the cookie mix and a stick of butter. Wait, we had a spoon that I’d eaten cereal with a couple days ago, so I suppose that counts. As a result, we meandered on in to our lounge in the hopes that we can snatch and egg from somebody, but sadly our floor of guys held true to reputation and nothing was to be found. However, we got a tip from somebody sitting on the couch that 3rd East women’s always has loads of goodies, so we grabbed our things and began a trekking that lasted far longer than expected. Upon arrival, we not only found an egg, but a cookie pan that had just been washed by some girlie on the floor. What fortune! We left two quarters in place of the egg we took, and tried making it back to our lounge amidst the confusing hallways and stairwells of Ashton. What’s pathetic is that we’ve lived her for half a year now and I still don’t know how this dorm operates. What’s equally sad is that this was only the second time I’ve gone over to the girl’s floor. The first time was when Josh threw my laundry hamper onto their floor just to break my streak of having not yet gone over. The little punk.

We made it back to the lounge only to find that there was no oven, but our other main lounge had one, so we ran over there. This oven was exceptionally ghetto, however, but I somehow managed to turn it on. Or so I thought. At this moment we realized that we needed to melt the stick of butter, but the microwave was in the other lounge. Too lazy to walk back over there, we took a water heater and decided that not only could it melt the stick, but we could use it as a bowl to mix our cookies! So we plugged it in, turned it on, and watched the butter slowly start to melt. But then it started burning. And smoking. And turning brown. Defeated and not wanting to ruin the water heater, we turn it off and figured that maybe we could chop up the butter while we mixed the powdery stuff into it. Umm… nope. Josh put the egg in as well to add liquidiness, but it was all vanity, as Ecclesiastes would put it. A bit frustrated, and in dire need to pee, I walked over to the trashcan and let loose. Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

Eventually we made our way back to the first lounge and put this goopy/dry substance onto a paper plate and stuck it all in the microwave. Some girl was spectating and told us we needed to recruit some girls to do the work, but little did she know just how capable two junior men were. “I am Spartacus!” I thought to myself, and once everything was melted, Josh put it back in the heater, stirred it up, and called it good. Turns out the chocolate chips melted as well, so instead of chocolate chip cookies, it was going to be some chocolaty goodness. Oh, and it had walnuts as well. This is where pictures start coming in. Carrying everything in hand, we hit the elevator to go to the ground floor where the best oven was, but couldn’t help thinking that this was the perfect opportunity to do something grand, epic, and disturbing. Taking the spoon, we scooped out a hefty piece of weird choco cookie and placed it strategically in the corner of the elevator. Did I mention that it had walnuts in it? Here’s the result:

Laughing heartily, we made our way to the oven only to find that some girl was cooking chicken wings. Mmm… they smelled so good! WAIT! I forgot to mention that the reason we had to go down there was because the oven near the trash can that I peed in never actually turned on. Yep. The cookies were supposed to be cooked at a 350 degree temperature, and the wings were at 450, but we figured there wasn’t much to lose, so we stuck it in anyway. Here’s some pictures of what ensued while waiting:

Oh yes, Josh can juggle, and catch stuff on the back of his neck! I was starving so I made toast, but if you look closely enough you can see that I left 10 cents to replace the bread. We also left 20 cents to replace the clemintine we stuck in the water heater. That’s being generous too, because we actually put that bad boy back anyway! Eventually it was all cooked, looked decent, and ready for consumption. We took it back to the room and began eating, which eventually turned it into a face of the ugly people that I like to draw! So good! Lastly, here’s a picture of Josh putting peanuts outside our window. When I woke up we saw a squirrel trying to crawl up Ashton and it looked like it wanted to get into the windows as well. This led to us turning into squirrel hunters/watchers. The peanuts are gone now, though, but we have no idea who took them. I like to believe it’s a squirrel but Josh said it’s most likely the crows. Dang it.

There you have it. Our cookie excursion that took far too long, but was oh so enjoyable. When I got back to the room tonight I saw that the majority of the cookie had been eaten, which I attribute solely to Josh. Ugh, it was super crusty too. Brave kid, that’s all I can say.

Oh, and one last thing! Nick and I worked out in the REX right after I made these cookies as Josh was generous enough to give us his manager’s key. After pumping iron and getting jacked, we decided to run on the treadmills naked. And so we did. Let it be known, world, that Nick Davenport and Chris Kyle ran naked on the treadmills in the Hill REX! I am Spartacus, people. I am Spartacus.


~ by Chris Kyle on February 2, 2010.

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