Undisclosed Desires

It’s a rarity for me to sit down and write these days. I suppose I’m going to have to get used to the fact that the log for my life is going to have hefty gaps in it, which leaves me to rely on mere memories for recollection. I wonder if we can pray to remember things? I think I’ll do that.

It seems as if the world around me is being plagued with the forces of indecision, questioning, and skepticism as we all ask what God wants us to do next. In turn, it’s become quite apparent to me that many of us are either impatient in waiting for His disclosure, or hungry to simply follow Him. I think both options often lie on one side of the coin, though.

This has allowed me to see that following Jesus isn’t as simple as we often make it out to be. Nor should it be simple. I’m still going to retain my philosophy of “simple people living for Jesus,” but never can that get caught up in “simple people simply living for a simple Jesus.” Following Christ is the most convoluted, difficult, wearying thing I’ve ever done. However, with that said, I think we can often make following Him far more complex than it actually is. He wants us to pursue Him with a genuine heart, but we often see Him as nothing more than a theory that needs to be figured out. But He is no theory! And when you start believing that He’ll show you something far grander than a proof. He’ll show you broken lives redeemed and intercession that can only be explained by His persevering love.

I think we also often fail to understand that God knows and loves us even when we can’t see that in ourselves. In class today my professor was explaining something about the dogmatics of Karl Barth (I’m confused too…), but started giving this analogy of a child talking to his parents. First, he may walk around school a bit perturbed about something and friends will ask how he is in which he’ll respond, “I’m good,” and then walk off. They’ll buy it and let him be without speaking up, which leads him further to believe that, “Yeah, maybe I am doing all right…” This process will occur throughout the day until he comes home and his parents ask how he’s doing. Giving the same answer he turns his head to walk away then they ask the question again, concerned and knowledgeable that something’s wrong. How do they know? Because they created him. Because they raised Him. Because they know and love him. Even when we convince ourselves that we’ll be fine, God speaks and does so with a force that wakes us up. A voice that speaks truth. A voice that isn’t theoretical. God doesn’t give us lip service. So let’s stop doing it to Him.

Right now I’m learning patience even when I want to forsake the virtue. I’m learning how to love when it doesn’t feel reciprocated. I’m learning how to give when I want to withhold. I’m learning that my gifting, as much as I want it to be, doesn’t rest in giving advice laced in wisdom; rather, it’s come in the form of listening and asking questions. I’m learning to be okay with my inadequacies. I’m learning righteousness cannot be attained unless it’s through the abounding grace of God. I’m learning to trust others in their endeavors to help me. I’m learning to pray with reason and specificities. I’m learning I’m not king of the world. I’m learning I can’t please everybody within the capacity they ask for; nor am I so excellent a friend that I don’t fail to see faults in my own friendships.

“Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold new things have come.” – 2 Corinthians 5:17

I’m just trying to make do with the time I’ve been granted and all the while trying to accept that I’ve been forgiven and shall soon be made anew. No, that I’m currently being made anew. And I have so much hope in that because of Jesus’ redeeming love.

Pray for my brother, please. He’s rocking it for Jesus up at UofI and needs all the help he can get. May God send legions of angels.


~ by Chris Kyle on January 29, 2010.

One Response to “Undisclosed Desires”

  1. Maybe there’s more wisdom in asking good questions then having the right answers . . .

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