X Amount of Words

I just spent the last hour reading my oldest journal concerning all the shenanigans and utterly defining moments of my life written according to a hopeful and foolish teenager who dabbled with all realms of high school stereotypes. Oh, awful first kisses, disgustingly awkward poems written to unsuspecting girls, stories upon stories of a high schooler working as a bank teller and invariably screwing over dozens of customers because of apathy and inadequacy, the fight against yet ultimate and eventual conversion to Christ, getting caught in parks after dark and running from the cops, short term mission trips, the taste of popularity and sting of rejection, dreams of being a pastor, prayers of a broken seventeen-year-old, and curiosities of what Seattle may bring.

And somehow, whether I know it or not, each of those events has created who I am now, and will continue to do so until my very death.

High school throwbacks, people. Go experience it for yourself.

I actually don’t even know what I’m doing right now. I think I’m waiting for something, and half of me knows what it is, but the other half says it may be something else. It’s one of those times where you’re in the midst of trying to do whatever you can to aid anybody but yourself, but it’s not working nearly as well as you’d hoped, which could either mean selfishness is still present, or the situation is much more complicated than first expected. Furthermore, God seems to be sitting in silence so I feel I bit dazed and incapable of making the next move. Woe to my indecision.


~ by Chris Kyle on June 25, 2009.

One Response to “X Amount of Words”

  1. “Show me the right path, O Lord; point out the road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you…The Lord is good and does what is right; he shows the proper path to those who go astray. He leads the humble in doing right, teaching them his way.”

    Psalm 25:4-5, 8-9

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