wedding season

I’d never been in a wedding before 2012, and so far this summer I’ve found myself in two. A third is coming in November, and then the grand finale on January 5th. And yes, you’re not mistaken – the grand finale is my own wedding. #noshame

Turns out riding on the inside track of the nup-i-tal circuit has been loads of fun, too, despite my wallet slowly shriveling to the size of mid-western corn during this damned drought season. It mostly consists of eating egregious amounts of food, taking enough pictures to fill a digital encyclopedia, and laughing with a collection of clever minds spouting comments that range from genuine affection to unabashed sexualizing of, well, just about everything.

However, in the midst of this borderline, hedonic experience comes an unmistakable reverence for community, friendship, and love. While attendees witness to the simultaneous culmination and beginning of a couple’s consummation, those standing up there with them are confronted with an unparalleled insight to the delicate concept of “I choose you.” It’s a peculiar thing, really, because when you are chosen above so many to participate in this momentous day, as close as you possibly can with the couple on stage, the words ‘I do’ deliver sudden, invisible finalities to the relationship you have with the person whose side you’re standing on.

And I’ve been grieving this the past two days. I miss my good buddy Luke. I miss the guys I’ve lived with the past few years despite having moved into another great living situation. I miss disgusting kitchens and bathrooms, undignified bass running through our floorboards, naked parades, and everything else that comes with living alongside your best friends (well, I may be able to salvage one of those listed…). I now feel provoked by foreign emotions as there will be this inevitable relinquishing that’ll occur when I’m the one standing, friends at my side. It’s deeply saddening for me.

This grievance process, however, isn’t all melancholy or melodramatic. There’s an enjoyment that comes out of change, whether it be the mystery of tomorrow or a shuffle from the past. I’m excited for the future, even if things will be vastly different. I’m more than excited to be marrying boo and stumbling through life with the person I feel most confident with. It’s just going to be a little hard at first.

I suppose the naked parades will have to occur sooner than later to help ease the process. #noshame

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~ by Chris Kyle on September 18, 2012.

One Response to “wedding season”

  1. gee, i wonder how my (or your) parents feel reading this…

    on a more serious note, i do like how you express the way change can provoke grief and joy all at once. i think recognizing this sort of ambiguity of emotion is part of growing up and coming to really, truly treasure life–we see how fragile and beautiful it is, simultaneously.

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